Tony Abbott Immigration Help File

The Federal Liberal Nation Party seems to be having difficulties finding the new agreement for refugees with Papua New Guinea, so I thought i'd put the link to the agreement, on the governments website, here for them.  As the opposition immigration minister has stated that the Australian people aren't allowed to see the agreement, this link is also for the people of Australia.

http://www.minister.immi.gov.au/media/tb/2013/tb205550.htm

TURNBULL VS ABBOTT 2013

TURNBULL VS ABBOTT

Unless the Australian Labour calls an election before September (August 24 ish) then I think it will be a Rudd V Turnbull election race.  Tony Abbott has run his course and cant sustain his "nuh, they got nuthen un that" approach to policy delivery.

The following is a short interview I had with Tony Abbott on policy, well he didn't actually turn up and I may have forgotten to post the letter requesting an interview. Well he didn't turn up for Kevin at the press club, so I'm not surprised. 

But, this is how it would have gone.

Me: "Good afternoon Mr. Abbott"

Mr. Abbott: "Kevin Rudd wont turn back the boats.

Me: "Your party has had six years to develop new policies, yet all you have done is vote with the government. Where are your policies"

Mr. Abbott: "Kevin Rudd will just introduce a 'big new' tax on porcupines, he can't deny it, but we all know that its the rabbit in the room".

Me: "Your popularity in the polls have slumped, with KRudd now more favoured as preferred leader. Do you accept that your position as Liberal party leader is tenuous and you may well be replaced as leader"

Mr. Abbott: "Kevin Rudd is just talking and talking, then he fly's overseas to foreign countries like Indonesia,  Pappu Newguny and Tasmania.
On leadership, my ministers are all behind me, just yesterday in my office Malcolm Turnbull was making sandwiches and when I turned around he was standing there, looking up at his knife, asking me how to sharpen his sandwich knife.  I explained to him that you don't sharpen a sandwich knife, where would he be without my constant leadership"

Me: "Thanks for your time Mr. Abbott"

Mr. Abbott: "thank you, I've always thought that polar bears have been forgotten by KRudd. Under my government you will have all the seals that you want, except the ones the Japanese want.

You may like to read what I said in 2010 on some of this subject follow the link below:
Tony Abbott doesn't change much

Christmas: A Polar Bears Veiw

Christmas you would think this would be my time of the year.  Well it would be if the polar caps weren't melting and I didn't have to walk around with wet paws all day.  The seals are all buggering off and I have to go fishing all the time, I bloody hate fishing.  And if I see one more busload of Japanese tourist I'm going into town and do some growling.   I saw the guys from the zoo the other day so I tried to flag them down,well it would be better than fishing all the time. Just jump in the water and paw at the mirror like a budgie a bit and they supply the fish, no seal of course because that would be cruel. I bet the fish don't get to excited about being eaten by an 11 foot long bear with huge teeth either.  So you want my thoughts on Xmas, they're much the same as my thoughts on the entire year gone by, you can "shove it up your arse".  Oh and a happy new year.

Sincerely

Mr P. Bear

Guest Editorial

Robbed by eNed [Kelly]

By Steve Rogan

Was up the club the other night. Good feed, nice drink, bit of eye candy, then you’re there; the pokies! Don’t play ’em myself! I once won sixteen bucks – and that was after going halves - and that was it! But I’m watching all these people sitting there feeding eNed their hard-earned and cursing him for taking it!

Then I notice someone taking their membership card out of  eNed’s forehead and that changes everything I see thereafter.

When you sign up for membership – which is suspiciously inexpensive – all manner of details are furnished by you to the club. That goes inside Big Ned, upstairs, down the hall, last door on the left; sign reads: Don’t bother mate! Nothing but mops and brooms in here!

Big Ned’s a funny bugger! Smart as Deep Thought, cunning as a fox, sly as a dog, and as dangerous as a human, and he’s up there moving all this stuff around, stuff everywhere you know, it’s, , ,  it’s stuff! Stuff that, much in the way of the concept of fishing, determines how often you come to the club and how much you play.

If Harry goes to the club and puts quite a bit in and he does this with a bit of regularity then Big Ned’s gunna want him to keep doing it. Not every baited hook puts fish on the table though – ooh ‘ek! DM! That sounded all biblical it did. The bit about the fish I mean. – but if Harry does this then chances are he’s a member of other clubs; Big Ned’s dealing with a “Researching Gambler”

Now, back in the day when eNed was just ya average-kick-about-run-of-the-mill one-armed bandit, things were easier. OABs’ didn’t like paper money; didn’t trust it. It was flimsy and if it came out of washing machines the way it did then how would it come out of them?

“No! Paper money be damned!” they said. “Give us tin, copper, and nickel!”

It was every OAB for itself back then. Sure, they had to hand it over sooner or later but the point is they were a proud folk for they knew that they had taken it all by themselves; real mechanically moving parts and none of this fake and unnatural silicon-LCD-blisteringly-coloured machinery. Flimsy, just like paper money. And a win meant the real sound of real coin thundering down the real chute to produce the real sound of it hitting the real tray. Not a poorly reproduced sample eventuating in the production of a ticket which eNed will gladly take back down his gob!

But OAB got beaten up by eNed and eNed’s got no arms! Oodathunkit?

OABs’ were pretty much one-liners; three at the most, but eNed, he doesn’t care what order it flows in, where the fuck it’s located on his big-bright-happy-sounding-face; the more you bet, the more ways eNed can come up with to make you, with breast-bouncing glee, win…………………………………enough to keep you coming back!

Let’s say when Harry plays he’s slidin’ in bricks and betting max, two things could happen; only two. He’ll take some good dollars or he’ll do his arse: no little wins. Now, there’s not just one way of doing your arse, I say there’s two.

First one’s the idiot on the stool feeding eNed like a spoiled little kid, a fat one, yeah right , a spoiled little fatso gettin’ his face stuffed by mama. This boofhead is, like, making one sacrifice after another to the god, eNed in the hope that the god, eNed will be merciful enough to furnish him with the very stuff he’s been shoving down eNed’s throat for the past three hours!

Most of these ones will argue that eNed should reward them for showing him such generosity.

Second one’s the one who’s already got substantial winnings in his pocket, but he’s all geed up and thinkin’ with his gamblin’ dick and yep, sure enough, he puts it all back through. This displeases Big Ned as he really does want you to want to come back and keep eNed company while he fattens for Christmas.

Big Ned says that you can only want to come back if you went away a few bucks up the time before. Kinda makes sense. Big Ned wants you to be happy, not rich, but he wants you to smile warmly when you think of eNed.

You are encouraged to swipe your card as you enter the club. They don’t encourage you to swipe out when you leave. Any OH&S Committee worth its salt should argue that that person would therefore be deemed “still on the premises”.

Possibly not so though. Your “log on” might just simply time-out and log you as exited after a certain period of inactivity. Big Ned doesn’t care if you leave, fuck no! He’s just worried you’re not comin’ back!

Big Ned doesn’t want you to know that you have this power over him: it would displease him.

Ok, so Harry swipes his card as he enters the club and, inside the swipe machine, the big electronic signal tells the little electronic signal to go very, very quickly and tell Big Ned that Harry’s here.

“Mmm,” says Big Ned as he pulls up Harry’s file. He uses that big, throaty, umm, like the-force-Luke type voice. “Had a few good wins of late, eh Harry? Coming in a little more this week though. That’s where your big ones were. Mmm, ok.”

So, on an occasion like this, Big Ned would tell the little electronic signal to go just as quickly – if not more so because it’s coming from Big Ned – and tell the big electronic signal to tell Harry’s card that he aint winnin’ zip tonight. Few spurts at the start, but after that, nada, zilch, zippo! Big Ned wants to start seein’ some of Harry’s Moolah!

But it’s not all doom and gloom, oh no! Big Ned doesn’t want you buggerin’ off to another club. “Fuck that,” he says!

Flagged-note in Harry’s file reads: if he comes in next Choozdee, send him out with a coupla grand.

Big Ned is a “gambler farmer” but he’s like John West, see! Big Ned only wants the best; he rejects the rest. Sets them to an eternity of finally giving up and walking away from the eNed that someone else has already claimed, even before their arse leaves the chair, and cracks a big one while they’re still reaching for their piddly cup of coins.

Big Ned likes the ones who can walk out with a warm eNed-generated smile and a little bundle of Neddy-love in the skyrocket.

Sweet as!

November HA!

I wanted to write something witty for November. So here it is. Its short. But to the point.Its not all wordy. Not really well thought out. You could say it just came out. Its organic. Its cerebral. No thought was needed. Just pure purposeful feeling. Well here it is. "YOU CAN SHOVE NOVEMBER RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE".  Give me December.

Paul Astbury Is An Arsehole

No comments , your mother was a hampster and your father smelled of VB....go away you English kinigit!

Tulips

Tulips are flowers. Oh fuck it. Who are we kidding, a minority Govmint isn't going to work. The last one couldn't get anything past the Senate. Or is there a deal, broadband for gay unions, Parliamentary reform for wind farms, a new hat for Bob Katter for new hospitals. I cant watch any more, all I see is the locomotive coming and the people screaming........................."we were just sending a message".......too late, you got sucked into Tony Abbotts theory that we only need to get rid of the boats...How many people arrived on REFUGEE boats under Rudd and how many under Howard....go Google it......far more arrive by plane...we have an obligation to accept REFUGEES...they are not immigrants, but people fleeing oppression and fear of death, something we know little about in Australia. For we are free!.... ;-)